Six tips to get your husband to shave that unfortunate beard
In case you missed the news, we leave bright and early Friday morning to make our way back to the US for almost two full months. But unfortunately if you were expecting this handsome fellow to show up for a visit,
You’ve got another thing coming…
With that in mind, I wanted to share six helpful tips to try on your significant other if they, too, are supporting a growth of some sort.
1. Bribery. Usually this comes in the form of food. Examples worth trying:
- We can order pizza.
- We can make Mexican food once a week until Thailand runs out of black beans.
- I’ll make you brownies.
Or, for the healthier crowd:
- We can ride bikes together every Saturday this month.
2. Threats. When good old fashioned bribery doesn’t work out, it never hurts to fall back on some classic negative reinforcement tactics.
- If you don’t shave, I’m going to go all the way to India town for samosas but not bring you any back.
- If you don’t shave, I’m going to tell your mom.
3. Accidental slips of the scissors.
- This is perhaps easier for me since I’m Burke’s hairstylist, but I can imagine there are other ways to fabricate a trip-and-fall-with-scissors-landing-in-the-beard scenario being possible, just use your imagination.
- Your best bet on this one is to slip that special someone a roofie and cut the beard while he’s sleeping. Remember, you don’t have to make it all look good, you just have to cause immediate and irrevocable damage so he is forced to shave it all off.
5. Take away his beard-spiration (this is a real thing).
- If Burke is having a string of particularly bad beard-days (also a thing), he’ll look to his favorite beard-heros (beard-os?) online to rekindle his love. If you can find a way to cut him off at the source, you’re golden.
6. Hide the product.
- Ain’t no hiding the fact that a beard requires quite a bit of grooming by its owner. Figure out what products are essential to the beard maintenance process and swiftly dispose of all products and any trace they may leave.
If none of these tips work for you, don’t sweat it; they haven’t worked for me yet either. Regardless, we are excited to see you soon, beard and all!
NOTICE: There was an entire weeks worth of debate on whether I was actually allowed to post this blog or not. Burke finally agreed with just a few concessions. Also, he would like me to point out that sufficient bribery has not yet been used, but the right offer might make him change his tune.